October 26, 2008

Testing

I'm not a sporty type of person. To be honest, I just like to bum around and flick those up and down buttons on that remote, without any channel to settle on or any good show to finish. With me watching, it's like you're up for a slideshow of pictures or something more of a hypnotic video with random images flashing in front of your eyes.

But I do play sports, not just the sporty spice kind of sporty.

I remember my brother breaking his arm in one of his basketball game. The break is bad that it even had to be casted away. Not with Tom Hanks and Wilson though, just the plastered white cement kind of cast.

And when you have a broken arm, there aren't many choices for you in your life. You wipe your ass and you put the food in your mouth with the same hand, same fingers, and same fingernails.

I can just imagine how he washes his ass with a single hand.

You know how most of us isn't contented with just a wipe of a tissue. As for me, I do need a process after I just took a dump, not just a single task of wipe and go. And I get that from washing my ass with soap and water. It's kind of hard with me if I go with one hand. Like I said, it's a process so I need the other hand to pour the water and then the other hand to wash the dirty dish away from the hole. It's similar to the union of body and soul: The union of left and right hand, soap, lather, pour, rinse, smile. It's not a big deal if I smile after I take a dump, it's self-fulfillment after all.

It's probably like this (don't take it as if I've seen it with my eyes, I just thought of it this way): He first wets his hand then bubble it up with the soap. Then he gently soaps up his asshole with the soap-bubbled hand.

And knowing my brother with all his skid-marked underwear, it's not so special if there's a patch of shit clogging at the entry of his asshole. That's where the trouble begins. You have to scrape it especially if its a sticker type of dump, because there IS actually no way that you could shake that off even if you get jiggy or wiggly with it. And even if you furiously tried doing that hole thing, like you make it blink or something (just like what the chicks -- chicken offsprings, animal, fowl, et. al, get the picture?-- do when you blow their bottoms, it's like MOMOMOMOM kind of movement, like it's blinking) what the veteran porn stars do to make it more tight back there, there's no way that you could make tiny piece of shit drop.

So you have to scrape it. With two or three of your fingers. With your yet to be unclipped fingernails.

So after you scrape it, you again go back to process of taking the soap, lather, pour, wash, so and so and so, and it's tiring for a single-handed person. So I guess my brother would just eliminate one element to lighten up the process.

No it's not water, of course it's the soap! That's just my conclusion so don't base my brother's personality on that tiny detail. Don't be afraid to shake his hand, he's doing well now and all hands are fully operational so the soap is, again, back in the process.

And at the course of the day, he has to eat with the same hand, without utensils, and my sister asking if he washed his hands after the bathroom process, and him thinking that he shouldn't have played that hard to get him in that predicament.

20 Winners:

lunes said...

the art of washing your ass with one hand.nahirapan ako sa pag-imagine kung pano ung proseso.pero panalo pa rin.epektib ang testing na ito.. panibagong istilo..

RONeiluke, RN said...

wow.. parang first time kong nakabasa ng english post from you..nosebleed pero astig! :) ang hirap nga tumae at maghugas ng isang kamay. natawa ako dun sa blinking! ahahaha!

Axel said...

Syet ang hirap nga namang maghugas ng pwet kung isang kamay lang gamit mo...

Parehas pala tayo ng process M... Pero may suggestion ako kahit isang kamay lang gamit mo... Eto rin kasi ginagawa ko...

Kailangan nga lang meron kang medyo mataas na gripo sa banyo, na hanggang bewang or lower ng konti... Pabulain ang isang kamay ng sabon tapos itapat ang pwet sa gripong habang nakabukas eto, sabay hugas habang dumadaloy ang tubig sa pwet mo... Ayan, effective talaga yan... hehehe...

Ayos ba??? lolz

glesy the great said...

onga kahit anong blink-blink hanggang kabagin ka di mo kaya yun... sa lahat naman ng entry na ieenglish eto pa ang napili pero katawa pa rin... ahehehe.. cheers-glesy the great

http://anakngpiso.wordpress.com/

yanah said...

sana lang napagdesisyunan kong tapusin muna ang pagkain ko hindi ung kumakain habang binabasa itong entry na toh...

thefilipinamistress said...

naku ha? habvang iniisip ko yung scraping w 2-3 fingers w/ unclipped fingernails of the tiny piece of shit that won't drop, parang naaamoy ko na rin siya. Yaks.

mahirap ngang maghugas pag isang kamay lang ang gamit mo. pero mas mahirap ata kung fractured ang isang tuhod mo at di ka maka upo ng maayos. ewan ko na lang kung anong posisyon ang gagawin mo para dun.

UtakMunggo said...

langyang kapatid to. nagbebenta ng kadugo. hahaha...

binabasa ba ng mga ibang spawn ni aling maring itong blog mo?

tsk.. dinner will be in two hours. i hope i can erase that godawful image that you so vividly painted within the paragraphs of this post.

JoShMaRie said...

aw! it sucks big time!

ang hirap nun.

it's my first time here. dropped by from badoodles' site.

;)

anne said...

momomomow. the new omnomnomnom.

nung isang araw lang nilaglag mo saken yung kaibigan mo na pinuputol nya yung malagkit na ano gamit ang kamay. err.

baka gawain mo yun?

FerBert said...

PUKE!!!

(not the vajayjay)

Anonymous said...

huwaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwwww!! english!! nahahahaha

akala ko naman ang isusulat mo ay ang paglalaro mo ng table tennis nung nakaraang linggo at ang di mo pagtuloy sa paglalaro ngaun linggo. ahahha

-ayz-

PoPoY said...

ahahaha.
ayos may proseso ang paghuhugas ng pwet.
may Standard Procedure din pala yun.

ang sakit ng mabaliaan ng buto.huhuhu.

tisay said...

hahaha! kadire.

why not try to scrape your asshole with a tissue, instead of getting your fingernails filled with... shit. yish. hahaha!

once, an american friend of mine came over and used the toilet, when she got out she asked me why we have little buckets on the sink.

i told her it was atorture device called a Tabo. and yeah.

teresa said...

isang way para makapag diet ako at mwalan ng ganang kumain ay ang magbasa ng blog sa oras ng pagkain,hahaha!

Kevin said...

NAPAPIKIT AKO. Sobrang graphic ng description mo tol! Pota.

Nagtataka lang ako. Sa Amerika kasi, tissue lang (daw) ang ginagamit nila! Buti na lang at hindi ako nagpaimpluwensiya.

Cutedanger said...

pwede namang wet tissue.. ew..
Or maybe ask someone to do it.. :P
axel payag ka okaya si popoy.. hehehe =D

Axel said...

Isa kang malaking TAE cutedanger... Ikaw na lang, magaling ka naman dyan eh... lolz

Mariano said...

Ahaha, wala namang nabago sa laman, ininglis ko lang lahat ng kababuyan ko. Gusto ko mang gawing mas descriptive ang style, hanggang diyan na lang ang lawak ng bokabularyo ko.

Boss Ronieluke, mahirap talaga yun. Nasubukan ko na din yun one time nung wala akong mapaglapagan nung hawak ko. Pero syempre, hindi ko din kinaya kaya inulit ko ang hugas. Momomomomom na ang bagong omnomnomnom.

Axel!!! Panalo yung method mo, sa susunod na mabalian ako ng braso, ganyan na ang gagawin ko. Wag lang akong makalimot at baka kumayod yung gripo sa likuran ko.

Salamat po Glesy the great! Mukhang imbes nga na makapagbawas ng dumi sa wetpaks yung ganung paraan eh makakapagpasok pa siya ng hangin sa tiyan! Nakakatakot!

Well, sorry na lang to you Yanah. Ngayon alam mo na, bawal gumawa ng ibang bagay matapos at bago magpunta dito.

Ganun nga ata talaga katindin ang power of imagination, thefilipinamistress, kumbaga kapag kailangang magbiswalays, maiilabas ito ng utak mo.

Ahaha, wala namang pakialam ang mga kapatid ko dito Mudraks, may kanya-kanyang buhay ang mga yun. Sorry about your dinner at that time, I hope all the memories will fade from time to time, tomorrow and forevermore.

Salamat sa pagpadpad JoshMarie, and it does suck, second to the big time.

Hellows anne, that is the new omnomnomnomnom. And no, I do not engage in such abhorrificative form of misconduct.

TITE!!! Not the etits.

Haha, sorry Ayz, wrong assumption. And yeah, it's english yo. It's like sophisticated yo.

May SOP talaga yun Popoy, at maiibilang yang prosesong yan sa REJECTED SOP, haha.

Alam mo Tisay, tissue is overrated. It is a waste of environmental resources, not unlike the fingernails. You cut it, then it's gone! Ohoho, the Tabo!!! Must've scared the crap out of her.

Salamat Teresa, glad I could help! Haha. May bayad na yan sa susunod!

Kevin! OMG IT IS KEVIN!!! Haha. Dapat pala nilagyan ko ng disclaimer, patawarin mo na ako, haha. Oo, ganun nga daw. Hindi ata uso sa kanila ang magsabon at maghugas pagkatapos ng session. Tipid nga lang, para isasabay na lang sa pagligo.

Haha, Cutedanger, palagay ko hindi papayag yang dalawang yan. Ayan nga o, inaway ka na ni Axel, haha. Wet tissue! Pwede, nice nice, gagawin ko nekstaym.

Axel said...

Ahahaha, naku malalagyan ng tae yung gripo kung madidikit likod mo sa gripo... lolz

Mariano said...

Ahaha hindi, baka kako pagtayo ko sumayad yung likod ko sa gripo at makayod.